Empathy

People struggle with all kinds of addictions and vices, some have drugs, alcohol, pornography. Me, I have empathy. or better yet the complete and total lack thereof. When someone (my wife) comes to me with a problem or situation I find it difficult if not impossible to just sit down, shut up and listen to her. So what is empathy, and how do i get it?

Empathy- noun-
the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

This for me is one of the hardest aspects of marriage, or any relationship, that i can find. How do you put your own thoughts and feelings on any particular subject aside and feel full compassion for them. The Bible says:
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
The New King James Version. Nashville : Thomas Nelson, 1982, S. 2 Co 1:3-4

By that verse alone we have to be fully empathetic for those who are suffering through any kind of hardship. As compassionate and understanding as God is to us when we go to Him with our problems and issues. How do you do that though?

The main thing that i need to understand is that not everyone needs me to solve their problems. Just because a situation that I know how to solve, or atleast I think that I know how to solve, is presented to me doesn't mean that I have to, or even have the right to try and solve it.

So to me empathy is an entire process, I need to shut the problem solving portion of my mind down and jut listen, with unadultered, undivided attetention to the problems of those around me. Starting in my own home but reaching much much further.

I know this doesn't really teach how to have empathy as I've hinted to numerous times, but I guess I dont have all the answers. Anyone out there that has all the answers feel free to give me the insight that is needed to have complete and total empathy. The kind of empathy that only God has for someone.